May 20, 2011
ANNOUNCING LA NOIRE JOHN + JAMES EDITION Featuring: • Bangai-O Elements • Gravity Gun + Portal Gun + Grapplehook + Staff From LOOM™ • Dead Space monsters • Wolf Mode • Best elements of Madden and Mario Party: Audio Play-by-Play; Skill-free minigames • Custom soundrack: replace dialog with Dane Cook albums and live Limbaugh • Upgrade all 1940s autos with “Fast Five” style mods • Hardware dongle Sprays You With Skunk Juice • Game compatible with all systems including RYOBI hand drills and SINGER brand sewing machines • DLC Tribal Tattoo • DLC Bin Laden Mansion to Live in ($15) • Your mission log is just Steve Martin’s twitter • Bosses are fought with rock-paper-scissors • minibosses are pipedream • kirby-swallow various minorities for different powers • challenge mode: surviving in manhattan on only 300,000 a year • game will be published by all companies; dollar vote for whomever you want • in-utero tutorial level: strangle your twin • all hate groups in US have promised to leave people who own this alone (this game alone) • cell-shaded… but in a kind of graffiti style (very cool) • game disc itself smells weird; burning hair plus maybe bleach? • it’s supposed to be mosquito repellant; the disk label has 1/16” thick waxy coating that mists away as your system heats up • play as any mega man villian • sex as a weapon • designed by the two greatest developers in the medium’s history: richard garriot and jonathan blow • costs 60 dollars on 360 or 99 cents on iphone • italian court rules: “A woman who owns this game could not have been raped” • dialog by orson scott card and david mamet • ideas by ross douthat • sign into online server to also add your name to polanski defense petition • auto increments points to your weight watchers account even when you’re not playing it (requires game console powered on 24/7) • no save option • comes with used rez trance vibrator and nintendo U-force • comes with special edition of The Wizard with itself added to the story • your character ages 100x real time • auto updates your facebook/twitter status with “I’M DEAD” • contest: the first person to find everything racist about this game wins 10,000 dollars • trick question: you are racist for not buying the game • every npc must be stopped and checked for current immigration papers • game plays “brown sound” of course at all times

ANNOUNCING LA NOIRE JOHN + JAMES EDITION

Featuring:
• Bangai-O Elements
• Gravity Gun + Portal Gun + Grapplehook + Staff From LOOM™
• Dead Space monsters
• Wolf Mode
• Best elements of Madden and Mario Party: Audio Play-by-Play; Skill-free minigames
• Custom soundrack: replace dialog with Dane Cook albums and live Limbaugh
• Upgrade all 1940s autos with “Fast Five” style mods
• Hardware dongle Sprays You With Skunk Juice
• Game compatible with all systems including RYOBI hand drills and SINGER brand sewing machines
• DLC Tribal Tattoo
• DLC Bin Laden Mansion to Live in ($15)
• Your mission log is just Steve Martin’s twitter
• Bosses are fought with rock-paper-scissors
• minibosses are pipedream
• kirby-swallow various minorities for different powers
• challenge mode: surviving in manhattan on only 300,000 a year
• game will be published by all companies; dollar vote for whomever you want
• in-utero tutorial level: strangle your twin
• all hate groups in US have promised to leave people who own this alone
(this game alone)
• cell-shaded… but in a kind of graffiti style (very cool)
• game disc itself smells weird; burning hair plus maybe bleach?
• it’s supposed to be mosquito repellant; the disk label has 1/16” thick waxy coating that mists away as your system heats up
• play as any mega man villian
• sex as a weapon
• designed by the two greatest developers in the medium’s history: richard garriot and jonathan blow
• costs 60 dollars on 360 or 99 cents on iphone
• italian court rules: “A woman who owns this game could not have been raped”
• dialog by orson scott card and david mamet
• ideas by ross douthat
• sign into online server to also add your name to polanski defense petition
• auto increments points to your weight watchers account even when you’re not playing it
(requires game console powered on 24/7)
• no save option
• comes with used rez trance vibrator and nintendo U-force
• comes with special edition of The Wizard with itself added to the story
• your character ages 100x real time
• auto updates your facebook/twitter status with “I’M DEAD”
• contest: the first person to find everything racist about this game wins 10,000 dollars
• trick question: you are racist for not buying the game
• every npc must be stopped and checked for current immigration papers
• game plays “brown sound” of course at all times

6:07pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Z4ijay5IP3hN
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